lu-MONSTER
by Dreama5
Summary: Natsu prays to every god there was or is for these torturous nine months to end. kind of the prequel to *the day when he loses her* ONE SHOT


**Lu-MONSTER!**

 _Natsu prays to every god there was or is for these torturous nine months to end._

I love my wife I really do. More than anything in the world and I was sure I would love my child just the same.

When I got to know Lucy is pregnant I was more than ecstatic. Finally! Finally I am going to be a father! Nothing could be better than raising a family with the love of his life.

But oh dear lord, do I wish that these 9 months could pass any sooner. I know I know that pregnancy is the miracle of life and the most beautiful experience for women. But I and my guild mates could argue against that.

We always thought that erza or Mira were the scariest in the guild or even levy on a really bad day, but no one and I mean no one could have ever thought that pregnant Lucy was the worst and the scariest one of them all.

XxXxXx

"NATSU MOTHERFUCKING DRAGNEEL!"

"Natsu… she… she is calling you"

"God ice fart I can hear her very well. Do you want her to find out about this hiding place too?" I whispered yelled at him.

Gray was too scared to answer back.

"Its… it's not manly... t- to hide from your… very pregnant wife…natsu"

"I know. And I want nothing more than to be at her side elfman. But do you know my wife!" he nodded at me accepting defeat.

"I don't even know why we are hiding honestly. We are v-very brave men… I think we can handle h-her can't we?" Jellal sighed.

The rest of us shushed him as we could her footsteps.

"You don't think she would find us here…right?"

"I don't know. Bunny girl is one smart bunny. Don't you remember when she tracked us down in the bathroom? The men's bathroom no less!"

 _RRRING!_

My body stiffened.

No. oh no!

"You damn dick wad! You forgot to put your phone on silent!" gray whispered screamed at me.

"Pick it up natsu or else she will get suspicious." Jellal suggested.

 _RRRRRING!_

"Just pick the damn phone up!" gajeel exclaimed as he and the others shuffled far from me and the phone.

"h- Hey sweetie! How are you and my beautiful daughter?"

"Natsuuuuuu!" her whining made my heart melt and I wanted nothing more than to go her side and be close to her to protect her.

"No! Stay vigilant natsu!" whispered gray.

"Where are you? I miss you sweetie!"

Awwww! Fuck it.

"I am coming home sweetie!"

"Great. And by the way I am really really craving chocolate fudge ice cream with almonds on top!"

"Anything for you sweetie!"

"Great! And while you're at it why don't you invite gray, gajeel and jellal over!"

"I am sure they would love to come"

"Bye sweetie!"

"Bye luce!"

I hung up and turned to look at my friends. They were all pale and shaking. Gray who was naked and sweating bullets came over to me and grabbed me by my scarf "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I REFUSE TO DIE SO YOUNG! DO YOU WANT US TO DIE FIRE-CRAP? I HAVE A FAMILY YOU PIECE OF SHAT! "

The others agreed and nodded their head wiping their foreheads.

I rolled my eyes.

"I don't even think she's that bad you guys!"

They all looked at me and seemed to be offended.

"Let me tell me you piece of shit what bunny girl did to me!"

" _And iiii! Will always love meeeetaaal! Shooobeedooda!"_

 _Levy and Lilly were the only ones who clapped. Everyone cheered as the open mic session was brought to an end._

 _Gajeel cleared his throat and spoke in the mic not letting the lack of cheer discourage him_

" _The next song is dedicated to my dear friend lily and his love for kiwis"_

 _Pantherlilly looked proud as he looked around as if boasting and cheered. Even levy was a little tired of cheering for the dragon slayer._

 _As gajeel opened his mouth to start with the first verse, a scream stopped him. He and his fellow guild members looked at the source of the noise. It was from the bar as a pregnant Lucy had angrily put down her milkshake and now was glaring daggers at gajeel._

" _YOU…YOU AND YOUR HORRIBLE SINGING AND KIWIS CAN GO FUCK THEMSELVES! I HAVE ONE DAY! ONE FUCKING DAY WITHOUT ANY MORNING SICKNESS OR ANNOYING BLUE EXCEEDS AND A DAY OF PEACE AND YOU RUIN IT!"_

 _She screamed this as she walked towards the stage as the crowd parted for her. Even levy or Lilly was not brave enough to stop the pregnant woman._

 _Gajeel scoffed "you bunny girl are no one to give me opinions about good music!" his guild mates gasped in shock and moved away from him. His wife and friends also moved away shaking their head at him._

 _Gajeel had seen erza when her cake was destroyed. He had seen Mira when elfman accidently ruined lisannas birthday. He had seen levy when her favourite character died._

 _But nothing compared to the anger in bunny girls eyes._

 _He stood up from his stool as Lucy stormed up on the stage up to him, literal smoke coming out of her ears._

 _She grabbed his precious guitar and smashed it on the stage._

" _No… no nnot my precious guitar please!" he whimpered. Yes the mighty iron dragon slayer_ _whimpered_ _at the demise of his guitar._

I scoffed. "That's pretty much you and your bad music's fault!"

Gray and jellal both stopped gajeel into attacking natsu.

"Yeah gajeels right. Even I was not spared when I got into Lucy's way" jellal said sighing defeated.

" _WHERE IS THAT BLUE HAIRED BASTARD?"_

" _Erza please! I love you. You are my wife and the…the second most powerful women I know. Please protect me!"[AN_ _ **the first being Lucy]**_

 _Erza sighed "I am sorry jellal. But what you did was wrong."_

" _But I did it for you. I did it for love!" he insisted_

" _SO WAS THE SACRIFICE OF MY CAKE ESSENTIAL FOR YOUR LOVE JELLAL!" came a menacing voice from behind him._

 _Jellal shivered and slowly turned to see the pregnant fuming woman. Jellal always respected Lucy. She is a kind woman who has a heart of gold. He even understood how pregnancy messes with the hormones of woman as erza was pregnant with their son Erin._

 _But Lucy is so much worse than erza who granted was very scary and craved weird flavours of ice cream or cake, but from what he had heard from natsu and happy Lucy craved a specific flavour of cake. Chocolate fudge cheesecake which Mira specially makes for guild members._

 _One morning when he came to the guild he saw Lucy as she went to the bathroom grumbling about how much she was peeing now that she was pregnant._

 _Erza was at home where he and erza had a fight. It was about the lack of cake in the house and how much it displeased her. Jellal tried to protest but was eventually sent out to the guild to request Mira for a cake. Why she herself couldn't do it jellal didn't know but he knew more than to argue with his wife._

 _So back to the guild he was waiting for Mira as she attended to other guild members. Jellal looked across the bar, past Cana who was lying down on it wasted, to a sight which he was grateful for. There sat a perfect chocolate fudge cake just waiting for someone to it. Seeing as Mira was getting busier by the minute jellal decided to just take the cake and pay for it later._

 _But what he didn't know was that the cake belonged to none other than-_

" _Lucy! PLEASE I AM YOUR FRIEND AND YOU ARE MINE! PLEASE HAVE MERCY!" he tried but to no avail. She still seemed very angry._

" _THAT WAS MY CAKE! I-IT was my ccake!" she said as she broke down in tears. Jellal looked at his wife who looked right about ready to murder him for making her best friend cry. She beckoned him to go to the weeping woman and comfort and he did that. But as one moment he awkwardly patted Lucy's back a moment later his ear was being pinched painfully between Lucy's firm fingers as he pulled him to the guildhall while erza looked proud of her best friend as she sweared to make jellal pay for all the cakes she eats for the rest of her pregnancy._

While the others shivered in fear and sympathised with jellal, I shrugged "well you shouldn't have taken her cake!"

The other men just shook their head and said "poor poor innocent little fire shit"

"What's that supposed to mean!" I asked indignantly.

"Well your wife and your unborn daughter already have you wrapped around their pinkie" gray explained.

"Hey don't blame me for caring about my wife and child you heartless beasts!" I protested

"Hey no one blames you for caring but it is foolish how you overlook how… well moody your wife is now a day. And now we don't hate her for it but don't blame us for hiding from her!"

Gray scoffed before I could find words to defend my wife.

"A little! Ha! Gather around boys let me tell you how Lucy fucked up my life!"

"HEY COME ON"

No one heard my protests.

 _Gray was enjoying a perfect day at the beach with his beautiful wife who laid on the blanket near him. Juvia smiled at him as she looked back at him while lying on her stomach as he applied sunscreen on her back._

 _It was perfect._

 _Until fire fart had to come and ruin it._

 _He heard natsu before he saw him. He heard psychotic screaming and incoherent words being screamed at the wind. Happy laughed as he flew beside the dragonslayer spraying him with water as they played like two year olds instead of adults._

 _He glanced behind him and groaned while juvia from under him giggled "why don't you go and enjoy yourself with them while juvia catches much needed sleep?" before he could protest his wife had turned away from him and he sighed to himself as he got up._

 _Before he could join natsu and happy in the water he noticed Lucy lounging on the beach chair with her book on her swollen belly smiling at the two._

 _He went to his fellow teammate who looked up and squinted to see him._

" _Hey gray! I am sorry if my idiotic husband and exceed ruined yours and juvias time together"_

" _Hey Lucy! Na it's no big deal. Besides ill get back at him later. So how's she?" he asked nodding at her swollen stomach. Her expression darkened. "She has been kicking me since last week! I suggested this visit to the beach to relax me. Well at least she likes the beach and besides I got this" indicating her book._

 _Before he could respond he was interrupted by a spray of water hitting him._

" _Get your perverted hands of my wife and daughter you vagina loving creep!" greeted natsu as he ran up to them as happy got distracted by fishes._

 _As they got into the usual fight Lucy rolled her eyes and as another kick hit her belly, she waved her book to get the boys attention as they fought._

 _As natsu was forced back by an ice make attack from gray he stood triumphant as his life got ruined in a blink of an eye._

 _Apparently, an ice make attack had pierced Lucy…'s book._

 _Apparently as natsu was forced back his legs got caught in juvia's legs and he had fallen over gray's wife as he was violently woken up._

"Now both the woman refuse to talk to me and continue to give me a cold shoulder" he said as he dramatically wiped away a non existing and turned around expecting to see our eyes brimming with tears.

"WHAT THE FUCK! OUR STORY WAS MORE EMOTIONAL YA ICE FREAK!" Gajeel and jellal screamed.

"Whatever…" ice shit said and sulked in the corner.

I was getting frustrated. I stood up and said indignantly

"I don't get why you guys are afraid of the angel of a wife I have. I mean she can't even hurt a bug if she even tried much less hurt us!"

…

 _Silence_

I was impressed by how I inspired the guys to man up and face my wife, but after a moment I realized with regret that they were looking behind me with horrified expressions."

"Natsu Igneel Dragneel… wanna bet?"

The only thing I could say as I realized it was wife behind was

" _Oh shit"_

XXxXx

Hey guys this is just a crack fic which was kind of inspired by my sister's constant mood swings and the state of her husband while her pregnancy!

Please please leave me a review I love to hear from you guys so feel free to PM me

Thanks

DREAMA


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